Friday, March 21, 2014

Girl Problems: Curly Hair Edition

Girls got problems. Lots and Lots of 'em. Boys will never know what it's like to have to constantly monitor about 12 different things- Is my hair frizzy yet? Did my eyeliner run? Do I have lipstick on my teeth? Is my bra/bra straps showing? Is my skirt turned the right way? Do I have toe cleavage in these shoes? Are my heels too dry to wear these sandals? Can you tell my nail polish is chipped? Is it going to rain the day I wear a white shirt? Can I even bend down in these shoes? What are the chances I start my period TODAY of all days? Are my boobs uneven? 

You know, real problems. But girls with curly hair...we have even MORE problems! Because monitoring the status of your hair could take NSA level of technology, just to keep it looking decent on any given day. But we don't, which is why we have SO MANY PROBLEMS!

Girl Problems: Curly Hair Edition

1. Moisture. Everything about it.
2. "Is your hair naturally curly?" -"No, I just get up at the crack of dawn to do THIS to my hair."
3. Never being able to run your fingers through your hair in fear of losing one.
4. "A foggy day in London town..." sounds lovely and romantic when it's being crooned by Frank Sinatra but to you it sounds like the hell. (Except the London part, obviously.)
5. The only way to fix a styling error is to take another shower.
6. Being afraid of a new person cutting your hair because they'll cut it too short.
7. You develop a fear of running out of conditioner. 
8. The sheer amount of product you need to keep your curls contained, and the amount of $ you spend on them.
9. When you only have people with straight hair around so there is no one to complain to who will understand.
10. A Caribbean vacation sounds awesome until you realize you forgot to account for this:
And the only option you have is to try to cover it up...
Which of course never works out.
11.  "Why do you use so many bobby pins?" -........
12. If you put your hair in a ponytail, you've now committed to it for the entire day (...and the entire time until you wash your hair again.)
13. When someone with beautiful naturally straight hair says "Aww! I wish I had your curls! You need to appreciate what you've got!" and you just want to slap them.
14. Needing at LEAST an hour to straighten your hair...not to mention the HOUR you needed to blow dry it AHEAD OF TIME.
15. "Do you have a brush I can borrow?" -"Does it LOOK like I brush my hair?"
16. Going to school with wet hair because drying it means you would've had to get up an hour earlier...
17. Taking pictures with your friends and being the only one without silky straight hair.
18. Pulling a sweatshirt over your head.
19. Being envious of everyone who can just brush their hair and leave the house.
20. Going to bed with wet hair means you wake up with...wet hair...HOW IS IT STILL DAMP!?
21. The underside of your hair that no one ever sees always has PERFECT curls.
22. Your hair shrinks AND expands.
23. Even brushing your hair out in the shower with conditioner seeped in HURTS and takes FOR-EV-ER.
24. Sweat.
25. The curls by your face always have a lot of volume but everything else is flat.
26. Your hair is actually twice as long as it is curly, but people rarely see it.
28. The amount you shed the day after you washed your hair.
29. Wanting to cause bodily injury to all the straight haired girls complaining about frizz in the bathroom.
30. Not being able to go somewhere at the drop of the hat because you need double the time anyone else needs to do your hair.
31. Leaving the salon with hair only half dry because your stylest has run out of time.
32.  Girls with straight hair: "It takes me 15 minutes to straighten my hair in the morning!" 
You: ...hand twitching... 
33. Your hair looked decent when you left the house and then you catch it in the windows walking into work...
35. Getting excited to try a new curling product but it ends up in the back of the drawer with the other 20 because it either leaves your hair too crunchy or too tacky..there never seems to be anything in between.
36. WIND.
37. Pool parties.
38. If you wear a hat or beanie you can't take it off,  for anything.
39. You get WAY more split ends than everyone else because your ends are ALWAYS dry.
40. Your hair somehow gets wrapped around the top button of your cardigan and every time you try to brush it off your shoulder, you pull out at least 5 strands.
41. THIS.

People with straight or wavy hair will NEVER know how good they have it. Lucky jerks. ;)

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